By Rob Andress
Violence Prevention Specialist
Street Safe Self Defence Training Company
Every generation has someone who captures the attention of young men. Years ago, it was the tough guy in the action movie.
Today, it’s often the influencer with millions of followers telling young men that money, dominance, and control are the keys to becoming an “alpha male.”
Few names have become more recognizable than Andrew Tate.
Whether you agree with him or not isn’t really the point.
Here’s what I think. Andrew Tate didn’t create this way of thinking, he gave it a microphone.
The real concern isn’t one man on social media, it’s the thousands of young men trying to become him.
As someone who’s spent years teaching violence prevention, behavioural awareness, and human behaviour, I don’t see this as a social media issue. I see it as a human behaviour issue.
Because the beliefs we normalize today often become the behaviours we live tomorrow.
The Rise of the “Alpha Male Wannabe”
One of the biggest changes I’ve noticed over the last several years hasn’t been in offenders.
It’s been in ordinary young men.
I’ve met incredible young men across Canada who are respectful, empathetic, and genuinely trying to become better people.
I’ve also met others who have confused confidence with intimidation, who believe respect comes from being feared.
Who think women should be controlled instead of understood.
Who see empathy as weakness.
Who mistake aggression for leadership.
I call them the Alpha Male Wannabes.
Not because they’re strong, but because they’re performing strength instead of living it. Real confidence doesn’t need an audience.
In my experience, the strongest people in the room rarely announce they’re the strongest.
They’re calm.
They’re disciplined.
They don’t need to dominate every conversation.
They don’t need to win every argument.
And they certainly don’t need to make someone else feel smaller just to feel bigger themselves.
Violence Doesn’t Start with Violence
One of the biggest misconceptions people have about violence is that it begins with a punch.
It doesn’t.
Violence almost always begins with thinking.
With beliefs.
With attitudes.
With entitlement.
At Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, we spend very little time teaching people how to fight.
We spend far more time teaching them how to recognize the behaviours that exist long before violence ever becomes physical. That’s because behaviour leaves clues.
Someone who believes they’re entitled to control another person often begins testing boundaries long before anyone recognizes the danger.
They refuse to accept “no.”
They manipulate.
They isolate.
They become possessive.
They believe respect should be demanded instead of earned.
These aren’t simply personality traits.
They’re behavioural patterns.
And behavioural patterns matter.
The People Who Pay the Price
When we talk about unhealthy ideas of masculinity, we’re not just talking about men.
We’re talking about the people around them.
Many women don’t experience controlling behaviour as one dramatic event.
They experience it as a slow series of small changes.
Being asked who they’re texting, being told certain friends are a “bad influence.”
Being criticized for what they wear, being expected to explain where they’ve been.
Being made to feel guilty for wanting independence.
Over time, those behaviours can become what professionals refer to as coercive control—a pattern of intimidation, isolation, manipulation, and domination that strips away another person’s autonomy.
Physical violence isn’t always the first warning sign.
Sometimes it isn’t present at all.
The control is.
Research in psychology and family violence consistently shows that rigid, dominance-based beliefs about masculinity are associated with greater acceptance of aggression, increased hostility toward women, and poorer relationship outcomes. That doesn’t mean everyone who watches a particular influencer becomes abusive. Most don’t.
But ideas matter, because ideas shape attitudes.
Attitudes influence behaviour, and behaviour affects real people.
That’s why these conversations matter.
The Cost to Young Men
Ironically, this mindset hurts young men too.
Many of them aren’t looking for power, they’re looking for purpose and confidence.
They’re looking for direction.
They’re looking for someone to tell them they matter.
Unfortunately, too many influencers sell confidence by teaching dominance.
They sell leadership by promoting control.
They sell respect by encouraging intimidation.
The result isn’t emotionally stronger men.
It’s emotionally fragile men whose confidence depends on controlling how other people see them.
Real confidence doesn’t need constant validation.
It certainly doesn’t need another person to feel powerless.
What Healthy Masculinity Looks Like
I think we’ve spent too much time arguing about masculinity instead of defining it.
To me, strength has never been about intimidation.
Strength is emotional control when someone insults you.
Strength is walking away from a fight you don’t need to have.
Strength is protecting someone who cannot protect themselves.
Strength is accepting responsibility when you’re wrong.
Strength is respecting boundaries—even when you don’t like them.
Strength is hearing “no” and responding with dignity.
That’s the kind of masculinity I’ve seen in law enforcement, who stayed calm under pressure.
In healthcare workers showing compassion to aggressive patients.
In fathers raising respectful sons.
In young men who choose integrity when nobody is watching.
Those are the men worth admiring.
The Conversation We Should Be Having
I don’t think Andrew Tate is the disease, he’s the symptom.
A symptom of a generation searching for identity in all the wrong places.
The solution isn’t simply banning influencers.
The solution is giving young men better role models.
Teaching emotional intelligence.
Teaching accountability.
Teaching empathy.
Teaching resilience.
Teaching that protecting people requires far more strength than controlling them.
Because one day today’s young men will become fathers.
Teachers.
Coaches.
Police officers.
Employers.
Partners.
Community leaders.
The people they become will influence countless others.
That’s why this conversation matters.
Not because of Andrew Tate.
Because of what comes after him.
Final Thoughts
At Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, we believe violence prevention starts long before violence appears.
It starts with understanding human behaviour.
It starts with recognizing entitlement before it becomes abuse.
It starts with challenging harmful beliefs before they become harmful actions.
And it starts with redefining what strength actually means.
The future of healthy masculinity won’t be decided by the loudest voices on social media.
It’ll be decided by the men who choose character over control, empathy over ego, and responsibility over dominance.
Those are the men who earn respect without demanding it.
Those are the men who make the people around them feel safer, not smaller.
Because violence prevention doesn’t begin with learning how to fight.
It begins with understanding the kind of person you choose to become.
Stop the Before, So the After Never Happens.
“Strength is measured by the people you protect, not the people you control.”
Rob Andress
References & Further Reading
- American Psychological Association. APA Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men (2018). https://www.apa.org/about/policy/boys-men-practice-guidelines
- World Health Organization. Violence against Women Prevalence Estimates (2021). https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240022256
- Public Health Agency of Canada. Family Violence. https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence.html
- Stark, E. Coercive Control: How Men Entrap Women in Personal Life. Oxford University Press, 2007.
- Flood, M. Engaging Men and Boys in Violence Prevention. Palgrave Macmillan, 2019.
- Katz, J. The Macho Paradox. Sourcebooks, 2006.
- Statistics Canada. Gender-based Violence in Canada. https://www.statcan.gc.ca
- Street Safe Self Defence Training Company: https://www.streetsafedefence.com
American Psychological Association
APA Guidelines for Psychological Practice with Boys and Men
https://www.apa.org/about/policy/boys-men-practice-guidelines
World Health Organization (WHO)
Violence Against Women
https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women
Violence Against Women Prevalence Estimates (2021 Report)
https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240022256
Government of Canada – Public Health Agency of Canada
Family Violence
https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence.html
Gender-Based Violence
https://www.canada.ca/en/women-gender-equality/gender-based-violence.html
Canadian Women’s Foundation
The Facts About Gender-Based Violence
https://canadianwomen.org/the-facts/gender-based-violence/
About the Author
Rob Andress is the founder of Street Safe Self Defence Training Company and one of Canada’s leading specialists in reality-based violence prevention, behavioural awareness, and self-defence education. For decades, he has worked with schools, healthcare organizations, municipalities, law enforcement, security professionals, businesses, and real estate associations across Canada, helping people recognize and prevent violence before it becomes physical.
Rob is the co-developer of Street Safe’s evidence-informed violence prevention programs, including TRAACS® (Tactical Risk Awareness & Applied Combative Systems) and CARE® (Clinical Awareness & Response to Escalation). His work focuses on understanding human behaviour, recognizing pre-incident indicators, managing conflict, and teaching practical skills that work under real-world stress.
Through Street Safe’s school programs, Rob has educated thousands of students and educators across Canada on personal safety, healthy relationships, consent, dating violence, behavioural awareness, social media safety, and the difference between social and predatory violence. His approach moves beyond traditional self-defence by helping young people understand how violence develops, how predators think, and how to recognize danger before a crisis occurs.
Recognized by clients nationwide as Canada’s Leader in Reality-Based Violence Prevention and Self-Defence, Rob believes that the greatest self-defence skill anyone can develop is the ability to recognize risk early and make informed decisions before violence ever begins.
Street Safe Self Defence Training Company is built on one guiding philosophy:
“Stop the Before, So the After Never Happens.”
Learn more at https://www.streetsafeselfdefence.com