By Rob Andress
Violence Prevention Specialist
Street Safe Self Defence Training Company
Ask almost anyone what the first weapon a predator uses and you’ll hear the same answers.
“A knife.”
“A gun.”
“Their size.”
“Their strength.”
I understand why people think that.
Those are the weapons we can see.
But after spending decades studying violence, teaching thousands of people across Canada, and speaking with victims after the fact, I’ve come to a different conclusion.
I don’t believe violence starts with the first punch.
I think that’s just the moment everyone finally realizes they’re in a violent situation.
Violence usually starts much earlier.
It starts with confusion.
Confusion isn’t a mistake. It’s often part of the process.
Let me explain what I mean.
Every one of us walks through life with an expectation of how people should behave.
Someone introduces themselves.
They respect your personal space.
They accept “no” for an answer.
The conversation feels natural.
That’s what your brain expects because that’s how healthy social interactions usually work.
Now imagine someone does the opposite.
They stand just a little too close.
They ask questions that don’t fit the conversation.
You step back. They step closer.
You tell them you’re not interested. They ignore it.
Nothing they’ve done is openly violent.
But something doesn’t feel right.
Here’s what most people miss.
Your brain doesn’t immediately think you’re in danger.
It tries to explain the behaviour.
“Maybe they’re just awkward.”
“Maybe they’re nervous.”
“Maybe I’m reading too much into this.”
While you’re trying to explain their behaviour, you’ve stopped evaluating the risk.
That’s confusion.
I’ve seen this happen hundreds of times.
I’ve heard it from REALTORS® after difficult showings.
I’ve heard it from nurses working in emergency departments.
I’ve heard it from teachers, security officers, municipal employees, and young women heading off to university.
The story is almost always the same.
“I knew something felt off.”
“I just couldn’t explain why.”
“So I stayed.”
That last sentence is the one that concerns me.
Not because people made a bad decision.
Because they were making a decision while their brain was trying to solve a puzzle instead of recognizing a threat.
Predators understand people.
One of the biggest mistakes we make is assuming predators lose control.
Many don’t.
Many are incredibly patient.
They watch.
They test boundaries.
They look for hesitation.
They look for people who are more concerned about being polite than protecting themselves.
That’s why you’ll often see small behaviours before you ever see violence.
Ignoring boundaries.
Standing too close.
Creating unnecessary urgency.
Acting overly familiar.
Asking personal questions too quickly.
Pretending not to understand the word “no.”
Each behaviour seems insignificant by itself.
Together, they create uncertainty.
And uncertainty slows decision-making.
Good people are often the easiest people to manipulate.
That’s something I’ve learned over the years.
Not because good people are weak.
Because they’re decent.
They don’t want to offend someone.
They don’t want to embarrass another person.
They don’t want to make a false accusation.
So they explain away behaviour that should be getting their attention.
Predators understand that.
They don’t need you to trust them completely.
They simply need you to question yourself.
This has nothing to do with paranoia.
One of the criticisms I sometimes hear is that teaching behavioural awareness will make people afraid of everyone.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
At Street Safe, Beth and I don’t teach people to fear other people.
We teach them to understand human behaviour.
There’s a difference.
Most people you’ll meet today are good people.
But when someone’s behaviour repeatedly falls outside what we would consider normal, it’s worth paying attention.
Not because they’re guilty.
Because behaviour is information.
The safest people I’ve met aren’t suspicious.
They’re observant.
Behaviour tells a story.
Words can be rehearsed.
Appearances can be misleading.
Behaviour is much harder to fake over time.
That’s why behavioural awareness has become the foundation of everything we teach.
Whether we’re working with healthcare professionals through our CARE program, municipal staff and security teams through TRAACS, or educating women, schools, corporations, and REALTORS® across Canada, we always start in the same place.
Human behaviour.
Because if you understand the behaviour, you often recognize the risk long before the violence begins.
You don’t need proof to create distance.
This may be the most important thing you’ll read today.
You don’t need evidence that someone is a predator before you decide to leave.
You don’t need to prove you’re right.
You don’t need permission.
If someone’s behaviour is creating confusion…
If your boundaries aren’t being respected…
If you find yourself talking yourself out of what you’re seeing…
Create distance.
Not because you know something bad is about to happen.
Because distance gives you time.
Distance gives you options.
And options create safety.
My takeaway
People often ask me what the most important self-defence skill is.
They expect me to talk about strikes, escapes, or physical techniques.
Those skills have their place.
But I think the most important skill is learning to recognize behaviour before it becomes violence.
That’s where prevention lives.
The first weapon a predator often uses isn’t physical strength.
It isn’t a knife.
It isn’t a gun.
It’s confusion.
The moment you recognize that, you’ve taken away one of the most powerful tools they have.
That’s what Beth and I have dedicated our careers to teaching through Street Safe Self Defence Training Company.
Not how to win more fights.
How to avoid needing one.
Because our mission has always been the same:
Stop the Before, So the After Never Happens.
About the Author
Rob Andress is a Violence Prevention Specialist and co-founder of Street Safe Self Defence Training Company with Beth Andress. For decades, they have educated healthcare professionals, REALTORS®, schools, municipalities, security teams, corporations, and communities across Canada in behavioural awareness, situational awareness, conflict management, de-escalation, and evidence-informed violence prevention.
Learn more:
References
- de Becker, G. (1997). The Gift of Fear.
- Kahneman, D. (2011). Thinking, Fast and Slow.
- Association of Threat Assessment Professionals (ATAP): https://www.atapworldwide.org
- FBI Behavioral Analysis resources: https://www.fbi.gov
Frequently Asked Questions
Is confusion really a tactic used by predators?
In my experience, yes. Not every predator uses the same methods, but many create confusion long before they become physically violent. They may ignore boundaries, ask inappropriate questions, invade personal space, or behave in ways that cause you to question your own judgment. While you’re trying to figure out what they’re doing, your attention shifts away from your own safety.
Why don’t people recognize the danger sooner?
Because our brains are designed to explain behaviour before assuming the worst.
Most people are decent. We naturally look for innocent explanations when someone’s behaviour feels unusual. We tell ourselves they’re having a bad day, they’re socially awkward, or we misunderstood the situation. That isn’t weakness—it’s normal human behaviour. The problem is that predators can take advantage of that delay.
What is behavioural awareness?
Behavioural awareness is the ability to recognize human behaviour that falls outside what would normally be expected in a given situation.
At Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, we teach people to observe behaviour rather than judge appearances. Behaviour often provides valuable information long before violence becomes physical.
Does behavioural awareness mean becoming suspicious of everyone?
Absolutely not.
Most people you meet are good people. Behavioural awareness isn’t about living in fear or assuming everyone has bad intentions. It’s about recognizing when someone’s actions consistently don’t match the situation and understanding what those behaviours might mean.
Awareness creates options. Fear limits them.
Why is confusion so effective?
Confusion interrupts decision-making.
When your brain is trying to understand someone’s unusual behaviour, it’s not fully focused on evaluating risk. That hesitation can give an offender the opportunity they’re looking for.
Violence prevention is often about recognizing those moments before they develop into something more serious.
What should I do if someone’s behaviour makes me uncomfortable?
You don’t need proof that someone is dangerous before creating distance.
If someone’s behaviour repeatedly ignores your boundaries, creates confusion, or causes you to question your own judgment, it’s reasonable to remove yourself from the situation.
Distance is not an accusation.
Distance gives you time.
Time gives you options.
And options improve safety.
Is this only relevant to stranger violence?
Not at all.
The same behavioural patterns can appear in domestic violence, coercive control, workplace violence, fraud, scams, sexual assault, stalking, human trafficking, and even situations involving the misuse of authority.
The circumstances change.
Human behaviour often doesn’t.
How is Street Safe Self Defence Training different from traditional self-defence?
Traditional self-defence often begins with what to do after violence starts.
At Street Safe, Beth and I begin much earlier.
We teach people how to recognize the behaviours that often come before violence, understand the difference between social and asocial violence, identify pre-attack indicators, and make decisions that may prevent a physical confrontation from happening at all.
Our philosophy has always been simple:
Stop the Before, So the After Never Happens.
Can behavioural awareness be learned?
Absolutely.
Like any skill, it improves with education and practice.
People aren’t born recognizing pre-attack indicators or understanding behavioural anomalies. Those are learned skills. The good news is that once you begin understanding human behaviour, you start seeing patterns that you may have overlooked before.
That’s the foundation of everything we teach at Street Safe Self Defence Training Company.
Article Sources & Further Reading
The concepts discussed in this article are based on established research in human behaviour, threat assessment, violence prevention, decision-making psychology, and the practical experience of Rob Andress and Beth Andress, founders of Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, delivering violence prevention education across Canada.
Street Safe Self Defence Training Company
Evidence-informed violence prevention, behavioural awareness, situational awareness, conflict management, and de-escalation training.
🌐 https://www.streetsafeselfdefence.com
Street Safe for Agents
Violence prevention and safety education designed specifically for real estate professionals.
🌐 https://www.streetsafeforagents.com
Gavin de Becker
The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence (1997)
One of the most influential books on intuition, behavioural warning signs, and personal safety.
Association of Threat Assessment Professionals (ATAP)
A professional organization dedicated to violence risk assessment, behavioural threat assessment, stalking prevention, and workplace violence.
FBI – Behavioral Analysis Unit
Resources on behavioural analysis, threat assessment, targeted violence, and offender behaviour.
National Center for the Analysis of Violent Crime (NCAVC)
An FBI resource supporting behavioural analysis, threat assessment, and violent crime investigations.
https://www.fbi.gov/services/cirg/national-center-for-the-analysis-of-violent-crime
Daniel Kahneman
Thinking, Fast and Slow (2011)
A landmark book explaining how people make decisions under uncertainty and why cognitive biases can affect judgment.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thinking,_Fast_and_Slow
Workplace Violence Prevention Resources
Canadian Centre for Occupational Health and Safety (CCOHS)
Guidance on recognizing, preventing, and managing workplace violence.
https://www.ccohs.ca/topics/health-safety/violence/
Public Health Agency of Canada
Information on family violence, intimate partner violence, and violence prevention initiatives.
https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/health-promotion/stop-family-violence.html
About the Author
Rob Andress is a Violence Prevention Specialist and co-founder of Street Safe Self Defence Training Company, alongside Beth Andress. Together, they have trained thousands of healthcare professionals, educators, municipalities, corporations, security teams, and REALTORS® across Canada. Their work focuses on understanding human behaviour, recognizing pre-incident indicators, and preventing violence before it becomes physical.
Street Safe Philosophy
“Stop the Before, So the After Never Happens.”